Do you complain too much? Well, before you condemn yourself let me ask you this question; do you complain too little? Wow, now there’s a thought, I may be complaining too little. That’s the ticket!
Recently I ran across an article in “WebMD” featured from “Good Housekeeping” Magazine and the article was in titled,”Do you complain too much? (or not enough?)”
The title of the article was intriguing but then I thought; how does God, want us to be when it comes to complaining?
- “Do everything without grumbling or arguing, (Philippians 2:14 NIV),”
- “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. (Ephesians 4:29 NIV)”
Is all complaining bad? Do we need to keep everything to ourselves?
The article went on to say, “Open your ears and you’ll find that complaining is an integral part of most people’s daily exchanges. “For example, we use complaints as icebreakers,” says Robin Kowalski, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at Clemson University. “We start a conversation with a negative observation because we know that will get us a bigger response than saying something positive would.”
Did you get that? We don’t want to say anything positive because it want get us the response we want.
- The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. (Proverbs 12:18 NIV)
- Those who guard their mouths and their tongue keep themselves from calamity. (Proverbs 21:23 NIV)
“Complaining can do more than just connect you to others in the same boat. A complaint can be a tool for what Kowalski calls impression management, or shaping how people perceive us.” We want to be perceived as important and knowing.
According to Kowalski, there are two basic categories of complaints: instrumental and expressive. Instrumental complaints are goal oriented, meaning that we verbalize the problem in hopes of bringing about change. A wife may complain to her husband about not picking up after himself.
Expressive is where you just want sympathy. You talk to a friend about how unromantic your husband is or how someone pulled in front of you this morning on the way to work. The same example would apply to when a wife is complaining to her husband about something that might have happened in her life today. She doesn’t want her husband to fix the problem; she just wants him to listen.
“Even complaining about the driver who cut you off can be healthy, provided you feel better once you get it out,” says Kowalski. But here’s the downside: Some people abuse expressive complaining, grumbling incessantly with no real interest in dialogue, problem solving, or human connection.”
Did you get that? Some people complain just to complain.
We’ve all been around those people that we grow tired of because it seems all they ever do is complain of how others are always treating them so unfairly, in other words they are victims.
SO, IS COMPLAINING GOOD OR BAD?
“In our society, we’re supposed to smile and have a nice day and pretend everything’s OK even when it’s not. That’s unreal,” says Barbara Held, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at Bowdoin College. She believes that this emphasis on always seeing the bright side can encourage people to mask their unhappiness and swallow their gripes-but that can be toxic. “It’s important to learn how to tell friends and family when you’re upset-if you don’t, you end up alone in your pain. Complaints can be healing,” she says.”
So, the question is, “do you gripe just to gripe?” or “do you want someone to listen to you and start the healing process?”
Let’s take this one day at a time. One sip at a time.
justasip 